3 March 2020

Diane is worrying about Jason

Diane is sitting at the table, fiddling with her phone when Dai comes in;  “He still hasn’t been in touch, then?” Dai asks, 

"I've only had one text from him"

and she replies she has only had one text to say he was in Australia.

"Who does he think he is?"

“Who does he think he is?   I’m his mother!” she continues angrily, and Dai asks if she wants a cup of tea.   She ignores him;  “Emma says he’s OK,” she groans, 

"Well, there's no need to worry, then"

and Dai points out that there is no need to worry.   He wants to know if she gave any indication when Jason might be coming home, but Emma did not know.

"What if he's planning not to come back?"

Diane demands, “What if he’s planning not to come back?” but Dai is sure that he will not be able to stay away from Ifan for long.

"This is something which will cheer you up"

There is a knock at the door, and Dai predicts that it is something which will cheer up Diane.

Gwen is serving with a smile

In the café, Gwen is serving Rhys, and Mathew asks what he will be doing in the gym today;  

"Just kettle bells and circuits today"

“Nothing too bad – just kettle bells and circuits,” Rhys replies, 

"I couldn't move after the last session"

but Mathew complains that he could not move after the last session.

Then Hywel asks Gwen for an Americano, 

"Have you got something to tell me, Rhys – about a baby?"

and enquires from Rhys, “Have you got something to tell me?   It’s fine – Gaynor’s told me – about you and Ffion – the baby!”   

"What are you on about, Dad?"

Rhys does not know what baby he is talking about, 

"Hywel appears to have put his foot in it

and Hywel realises that he has put his foot in it.  

"Ffion's pregnant?"

“Ffion’s pregnant?” Rhys demands, and Hywel thought that she would have told him;  

"She had to tell Gaynor at school – she almost fainted"

he relates that Ffion had to tell Gaynor at school, as she almost fainted.   This comes as a great shock to Rhys, and he wonders how long she has known, but his father tells him he had better ask her;  he was sure that Ffion would have told Rhys.

Hywel has to go now, as APD are about to finish the new bathroom, and he assures Rhys, “If you want to talk, you know where I am.”   

"Better swap our coffees for something stronger"

Mathew thinks they had better swap their coffees for something stronger.

"Special Delivery for a very special lady!'

Dai opens the parcel, and announces, “Special delivery for a very special lady!”   

"By Diane Ashurst!"

Diane is quite overwhelmed when she sees her own name on the front cover of the novel;  “What do you think?   Are you happy?” says Dai, excitedly, and she replies that it is lovely.

"Yes, very classy!"

DJ has just come downstairs, and his father asks what he thinks of that, tossing him the parcel of remaining books.   “Yes, very classy!” is his verdict, and Diane grudgingly admits that Dai was right.

The dedication inside the book

She reads the dedication inside;  “In memory of Jim Probert, the Generous Giant,” 

"That's not very appropriate

and does not think that description is appropriate.   He insists that Eileen will appreciate that they are remembering Jim, 

"We're lucky the publisher put it in at the last minute"

and they are very lucky that the publisher put it in at the last minute.

"Someone sensible would have written something in the Western Post"

“Someone sensible would have written something in the Western Post,” she grumbles, “Or planted a tree or something – not put his name in an erotic novel!”   Dai is still of the opinion that it is a lovely idea, and calls upon DJ to back him up.

"What beach have you been snogging on, anyway?"

Unfortunately, DJ does not do this, but instead enquires, “What beach have you been snogging, on anyway?   

"It says here 'Autobiographical Novel'!"

“That’s what it says here – ‘Autobiographical Novel’!”

What is printed on the front cover

Dai puts on his glasses to read the small print, and finds to his horror, and that of Diane, those very words at the top of the front cover.   

"Nefi wen!   It was supposed to say 'a Self-Published Novel'!"

Predictably he exclaims, “Nefi wen!   It was supposed to say ‘a self published novel’!”

"What will people think, Dai?"

Diane moans, “What will people think?”   

"That you've had a far more interesting life than you've actually had!"

DJ flippantly answers that they will think Diane has a far more interesting life then that she actually does.   “It’s just one thing after another with you!” she rages, “How many have you ordered?”   

Dai is told to get rid of them, and print new ones

When told that there are 20, she insists, “You will have to get rid of them, and print new ones!   Do it properly this time – and without Jim’s name!   These will make me – and him – a laughing stock!”   She hurries out of the house to go shopping.

"You didn't order 20 books, Dad – it says 20 batches"

Then DJ points out to Dai the disturbing news that he did not order 20 books;  “It says twenty batches!” and Dai is anxious to find out how many books there are in a batch.   

"Crikey Moses!"

On discovering that each batch contains 50 copies, he shouts, “Crikey Moses!”   DJ points out that the invoice says that the rest of the books will be delivered this morning.   Dai is absolutely panic-stricken at learning this.

"She lied to me last week!"

Mathew brings Rhys a pint in the Deri to calm his nerves;  “She lied to me last week – she looked me in the eye and said she was not pregnant!” Rhys recalls, “Why wouldn’t she want me to know?”   

"Perhaps she wants to wait until after the scan"

Mathew suggests that perhaps she wants to wait until after having the scan, but Rhys had been under the impression that they share everything.

"Perhaps she doesn't want to keep it"

“Perhaps she doesn’t want to keep it,” he concludes, but Mathew thinks she may have been waiting until the time is right.   Rhys reminds him that she told Gaynor;  “If she wants to get rid of it, she wouldn’t have said anything.”

"You're young, and she's – old"

Mathew is sure that she must be scared;  “It is a unique situation, isn’t it?   You know, you’re young, she’s – old . . . sorry, that came out wrong – the point is, she doesn’t know how you’ll react – after what happened with yours and Lois’ baby, she might be worried you won’t want to keep it.   

"Her clock is ticking – are you ready to be a father?"

“Her clock is ticking – are you ready to be a father?”

Dai is trying to get shot of the books

At Bryntirion, with a large cardboard box on the table, and several others on the floor, Dai is speaking on the phone;  “The novel’s called, ‘The Kiss on the Beach’, it’s just been published – 

"Welsh erotica!"

“Welsh erotica.”   Whoever he was talking to seems to have terminated the call.

"What's wrong with these people?"

DJ brings in yet another box, as Dai demands, “What’s wrong with these people?”   

"Diane told you to get rid of them"

DJ reminds him that Diane told him to get rid of them, but he insists, “I spent a lot of money on these – I have to try and sell them!”   

DJ comes to the conclusion, “It’s your funeral – there’s no room here – where shall I put them?”

"The woman in Aberystwyth though I was winding her up!"

Dai has phoned three shops, in Carmarthen, Llanelli and Aberystwyth – and the woman in Aberystwyth thought it was a joke;  “She thought I was winding her up!” he roars.   

"You were the clown who ordered 20 batches!"

DJ reminds him that he was the clown who ordered 20 batches, and Dai maintains that his mind was elsewhere when he gave the man his card number – he was thinking of Jim, and wanted to cheer everyone up.

DJ concludes that the plan did not work, and demands how Dai is going to shift a thousand copies;  

"Don't say 'thousand' out loud – it sounds a lot worse!"

his father urges him not to say the word ‘thousand’ out loud, as it sounds a lot worse.   “Just chuck them in the shed for now, while I work out how to get rid of them.”   DJ reckons that he could build a house out of them, there are so many.

"In APD, behind the bags of cement"

This gives Dai an idea;  “We could store them in APD, behind the bags of cement – Diane never goes there.   Then we’ll set up a stall and sell them – passing trade.”   

"Diane will go up the wall!"

DJ predicts that Diane will go up the wall, and does not like the idea that his father is going to sell porn outside APD, in memory of his former business partner.

"If you haven't got a better idea, shut your chops!"

“I have to get rid of that stuff somehow, for goodness’ sake!” Dai shouts, “If you haven’t "got a better idea, just shut your chops!”

"The person you have called is not available"

Rhys attempts to contact Ffion, but only receives the notification that she is not available;  “I can’t leave the message I want to leave,” he tells Mathew, 

"I think I am ready for a child!"

“I think I am ready!   This could be our last chance, and like you said, Ffion is . . . older.   

"I enjoy looking after Arwen – I'm good with her"

“I can do it right this time – I enjoy looking after Arwen, I’m good with her – I read her stories and stuff.  

He thinks that another will not be that different . . .

“Another one won’t be that different, will it?”   

. . . and has now persuaded himself

Rhys now feels much better.

Dai sets up his bookstall

As they set up the stall outside APD, 

"When she sees they are selling well, Diane will be fine"

Dai is naïvely confident that when Diane sees that copies are flying off the shelves, she will be fine.   

"Having a change of direction, are you?"

Hywel is passing, and wonders if APD is having a change of direction.   

"Only a fiver to you, Hywel!"

Dai offers him a copy for a fiver, 

"APD have left paint marks in the bathroom"

but Hywel is complaining about the work on his bathroom, where there are paint marks.   “You can have a free copy as an apology,” says Dai, “If I were you, I’d read a chapter a day on CwmFM and make a series of it.”

"Have a look at page 23"

Hywel asks what it is about, and DJ directs him to page 23 to find out;  Dai guarantees that if he does a serialisation of it, Hywel will treble his listening figures overnight.

"I can't read this out – it's pornography!"

“I can’t read this out!” Hywel exclaims, “What’s wrong with Diane, dedicating it to Jim?   This is pornography!”   DJ now leaves, wishing his father good luck, 

"You'll need it when Diane – or Eileen – get hold of you!"

and pointing out that he will need it when Diane get hold of him – or when Eileen does.

"For Arwen, are they?"

When Ffion walks into the flat, Rhys is holding up two balloons, pink and blue;  she assumes that they are for Arwen, but he replies, “They are for you and me!   

"They're for our baby – I saw Dad this morning!"

“Our baby – I saw Dad this morning.   I don’t mind that you didn’t say – I’m sure you had your reasons, but I want you to know that I’m here for you, 

"I love you, and it's amazing news!"

“I love you, and it’s amazing news!   I know they look cheap, but I didn’t have time to buy proper balloons.”

"There is no baby, Rhys!"

Initially, Ffion says nothing, as he insists this is something to celebrate;  then she  tells him, “I know you love me – you tell me often enough – and I love you too,” she says, “There is no baby – I did a test last night – sorry.”   

Ffion hugs him

She gives him a hug.

"But Dad said you fainted at school"

“But Dad said you fainted at school,” he protests, and she agrees that she is also disappointed;  

"What's going on, Ffi?   Are you ill?"

she admits that she has not had her period, and he wants to know what is going on, and whether she is ill.   

She is in a hurry to confront Gaynor

She is adamant that she cannot discuss it now, and is going to see Gaynor.

Mathew is on his way to clean up Hywel's bathroom

Dai details Mathew to go and clean up Hywel’s bathroom;  “I don’t want to see one spot on the bathroom floor!” he instructs, and offers Mathew a copy of the book for £5.

"I'm not a big fan of reading, Dai"

“I’m not a big fan of reading,” Mathew replies, so Dai is of the opinion that now is a good time to start.

“It’s about a young man trying to find his way in life, who meets his dream woman,” Dai informs him, 

"We have to hide the books, now!"

and then DJ, now wearing his uniform, orders Dai to hide the books immediately, in order to save his marriage.

But they are too late . . .

Diane is approaching along the road, 

. . . as Diane has arrived

and Dai comments, “When you go shopping, you’re usually out for quite a while – did you get anything nice?”   

She pushes them aside

She pushes the two of them aside, and sees her books displayed on a table.

"You were supposed to get rid of these!"

“You were suppose to get rid of these!” she rages, and he points out that is what he is trying to do.   “No, you’re selling them!” she stresses.   He protests that he does not want to make a loss, but she points out there are only 20 copies. 

"Actually, my love, there are a few more"

He notifies her that actually there are a few more, and when she learns that there are a thousand, because he made a mistake, and has to sell them as otherwise he will make a huge loss, she yells at him, 

"After everything that's happened – what have I done to deserve this?"

“After everything that’s happened – you do this to me?   What have I done to deserve this?”

Kelly is watching

Kelly is nearby, and witnesses this altercation.

"I told you in confidence – then you went straight to Hywel!"

At Llwyncelyn, Ffion snarls at Gaynor, “I told you in private, in confidence – then you went straight to Hywel!   Rhys is his son, Gaynor!”   

"I acknowledge I made a mistake"

Gaynor acknowledges that she has made a mistake, 

"I trusted you – I should contact the union!"

but Ffion growls, “I trusted you – I should contact the union, and warn the staff that you cannot be trusted!”   

Gaynor maintains there is no need to take this matter any further, but Ffion is by no means convinced;  as she leaves the house, 

"At least, I'm not pregnant!"

she says, “I’ve got good news for you – I’m not pregnant – at least, you won’t have to look for another deputy.”

"Have you sold many books?"

Kelly arrives unexpectedly at Bryntirion, and begins, “I saw Dai and DJ with the books earlier – have you sold many?”   

"I regret I wrote the blinkin' thing!"

Diane regrets that she wrote the blinkin’ thing, and advises Kelly, if she sees a copy, to throw it in the bin.

“Don’t tell me that’s why you’re here – to buy a copy?” Diane groans, and wonders what she can do for Kelly.   

"I know about Jason going to Australia . . ."

She haltingly begins, “OK, erm, I know about Jason – that he’s gone to Australia – 

". . . and I know why he's gone"

“but I know why he’s gone.”

"I asked you not to tell anyone!"

Gaynor visits Hywel’s house, and reminds him, “I asked you not to tell anyone!” 

"You didn't say anything about not telling Rhys"

but he replies that she did not say anything about not telling Rhys, and maintains that she should have warned him of that.   “Do you realise what the consequences are if Ffion goes to the union?” Gaynor worries.

"I was so embarrassed"

Hywel points out that he was embarrassed, as Rhys had no idea what he was talking about;  

"Perhaps you should keep things to yourself!"

“Perhaps you should keep things to yourself from now on!”   Gaynor now realises that, because she has been told that Ffion is not pregnant.

"What hope is there for us, if I can't trust you?"

“What hope is there for us if I can’t trust you?” Gaynor demands, and he tells her not to be so dramatic, and advising that she gets her facts right before opening her mouth.   “It’s a good thing you’re moving back here tonight!” she rages, and he agrees that it probably is.

"So you're his new girlfriend?"

“You’re his new girlfriend?” says Diane, “Since when?”   Kelly answers that things started to get serious about two weeks ago.   

"Don't tell me – then you finished with him!"

“Don’t tell me – then you finished with him!” Diane realises, 

"There was too much pressure on us"

and Kelly explains that there was too much pressure on them;  after everything they had gone through, it was the wrong timing.

"I knew there was something going on"

It is all starting to make sense to Diane now;  “I knew there was something going on – he was acting differently.   For the first time after that business with Sara and the gambling, he seemed happy.   

"And now you've broken his heart!"

“And now you’ve broken his heart – and he went to Australia!   We, his family, don’t know when he’ll be back – if he comes back at all!”

"You can't blame me, Diane!"

Kelly protests that Diane cannot blame her, but is told in no uncertain terms, “You should never have gone near him – you’re a mess, Kelly!”   

"Hold on a minute, now!"

Kelly shouts at her, “Hold on a minute, now!” but Diane will not be silenced.

"Did you think you were in the right place mentally?"

“After everything you’ve been through, did you really think you were in the right place mentally to start a relationship?”   

"You're not serious?"

Kelly cannot believe that she is serious – pointing out that she and Jason have had a rubbish time;  “So excuse me if we found some comfort in each other!”   

"You would never have lasted – because I wouldn't let you!"

Diane judges that they would never have lasted, because she would not have let them, and insists that Jason is far too good for Kelly.

"Arwen liked her new balloons"

Ffion walks back into the room and tells Rhys that Arwen likes her new balloons;  he is sitting morosely on the sofa, 

"I didn't want to say until I was sure myself"

and Ffion says, “I’m sorry, Rhys, for not telling you – I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure myself.”   He replies that he understands, as she goes on, “And I wasn’t sure how you would react – but now I know.”

"So I passed the test, did I?"

“So I passed the test, then, did I?” he asks, 

"There was no test, Rhys"

and she assures him that it was not a test;  “I was really looking forward to it,” he murmurs, and she agrees that she was too.   

"We both know now how we feel"

She promises that if it happens again, they both know how they feel, and asks if they are OK.   

"Of course we're OK"

He says that of course they are, 

"Just promise to go to the doctor for an MOT"

adding, “Will you just promise me that you’ll go to the doctor for an MOT?” but she accuses him of fussing;  

Ffion agrees that she will

nevertheless she agrees that she will go to the doctor.